DAY 2 OF SELF-QUARANTINE: I’ve had thoughts weighing on my heart this week and find the most comfort in expressing them through writing. There has only been one other time in my life that I remember feeling a similar uncertainty and fear to what I’m feeling right now. That was when Holden was born so sick. Doctors called him complicated and were uncertain of the best way to treat him. He had heart, lung and GI issues, just to name a few. At one point a group of doctors said, “He may have 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years…or maybe 2 decades.” That is not something any parent ever wants to hear. The words immediately sent us into a panic. What I learned during that time is that we all deal with crisis differently. There is not necessarily a right way or a wrong way to process fear. But certainly, looking in hindsight, some ways are healthier and safer than others.
After the grim diagnosis that day, we were told to take Holden home, despite the fact that he still needed several surgeries. Doctors felt is wasn't fair to put him through the surgeries if there was a chance he wouldn't make it. We chose to live in a bubble, self-quarantining in our home, (or social distancing before we knew that was a thing) in effort to keep him for contacting any sickness since he was so fragile. At a time in our lives that we really needed the support, we were physically isolated from the people we wanted to be around most. But it was in that time that some amazing things happened.
*We learned to put Faith Over Fear. I can remember the exact moment, sitting in the hospital as I held Holden, where I made the decision to give all my fear, anxiety and uncertainty over to God. I sat rocking Holden with tears streaming down my face, knowing that what we faced was bigger than anything I could handle on my own. In my head, I had a conversation with God. I felt like he was telling me that I just needed to focus on loving Holden just as God’s loves all of us. That is why we are here. No matter how long we are here for, we all deserve to be loved. It reaffirmed for me how important it was to make every day the best I could for Holden. It didn’t matter where we were, I was committed to trying to make him as comfortable as possible and surround him with things that made him happy. Maybe there was a reason we were on this journey. Maybe I needed to learn to make everyday count. I felt like I heard God’s message loud and clear: Love as if there is no tomorrow, believe in miracles and Holden Faith. That is what kept floating around my head as I held my sweet baby who was still connected to tubes and wires. I refused to give up. I turned my fear over to God and I now had hope.
*We learned to lean on each other. During a time that could have easily ruined our marriage, we found ways to support each other and love each other, despite the very different ways we deal with crisis. We had so much time together and while not always easy, we worked on communicating and supporting each other. That time in isolation allowed us to get to know each other on a much different level. I believe we are stronger today because we learned to work together in the bad times.
*We learned to accept the help of our family, friends and community. While we greatly limited our visitors in our home, we stayed connected through our blog, phone calls and letters. We learned to be humbler and more vulnerable. We asked our circle for prayers and boy did they deliver! Holden was on prayer chains throughout the world! We accepted help, which was always hard for us. We let neighbors bring us meals and walk our dog while we were in the hospital. The notes, cards, texts, messages and calls all meant so much to us as some days that was our only form of contact outside of the hospital.
*We found creative ways to entertain ourselves. We went on long walks to feel fresh air and sunshine on our faces. I would put Holden in his car seat, go through the Starbuck drive-thru and then drive around and look at houses in different communities. It was my way of getting out of the house while still keeping Holden safe. I turned to online shopping instead of going to stores. Some may call it retail therapy! And to keep busy when not playing with Holden, we would do puzzles and play board games to pass the time. And for me, writing was therapeutic. Blogging allowed me to keep family and friends updated on how Holden was doing, while also providing me with a way to express myself.
*We slowed down. Although I’d give anything for Holden to NOT have had to go through all that he did, the entire experience forced me to slow down…. probably for the first time in my adult lifetime. It is amazing how quickly your priorities become clear when you are faced with a crisis. And there is something about time that enables you to process, access, re-access and confidently create a plan. While those where the most difficult days of my life, I can honestly say that I was living in the moment. I was present for the good and the bad.
After months of living in seclusion in our home, Holden’s health slowly improved. He was not exposed to germs constantly, as he had been when in the hospital. With his improved health and growth, doctors felt like he was strong enough for the surgeries that he still needed. Fortunately, these procedures went well and each month that went by, his health slowly improved.
So, as we find ourselves in this time of social distancing and self-quarantining, I’ve been reflecting back on the last time we went through this, reminding myself that this can be an opportunity to make lemonade out of lemons (or the Coronavirus in this case). Rather than focus on what we’re giving up and sacrificing, maybe we can find ways to turn this time into a positive while helping keep our neighbors and community safe (flatten the curve).
· Create lists of things you and your family want to do. We each made a list of games we want to play, movies we want to watch, fun things to do and projects we want to do around the house. Each day we will incorporate these activities rotating from everyone’s list into our "new quarantine schedule". Consider journalling. It is a great outlet for all ages and allows us to look at the good despite the uncertainty. For Holden, I got him Minute Gratitude Journal from Amazon*. Be sure to include time for everyone to get fresh air and exercise. Even something as simple as going for a walk as a family and lift everyone’s spirts!
· Look for ways to help your neighbor or community. More than ever, this is a time to come together. A time for kindness and love. Is there an elderly neighbor you can help stock up with food and supplies so they don’t have to go out? Consider buying gift cards from local/small businesses. Even if you don’t redeem the gift cards now, buying them can help them get small businesses through what is sure to be a rough financial time. Imagine how much we can help these businesses if we do some our Christmas shopping now. And much of this can be done online to remain safe. There are thousands of kids in our community that relied on schools for consistent meals. Consider giving to a local organization that is helping feed these families. Some ideas are Meals By Grace, Blessings In a Backpack North Fulton or another organization in your area. Finally, consider having your kids draw pictures or write letters to send to local assisted living facilities. As you know, many of these facilities are limited guest visits right now for the safely of their residents. Why not brighten up their day with words of encouragement and artwork that is sure to a smile on their face.
· Create Your Own La-La Land. I was on bedrest with Holden for nearly 20 weeks and I remember doctors telling me to surround myself only with things that made me happy. I realize it is important to keep up with the news right now, but it won’t change anything to be fixated on it all day long. Plan a time each day for updates and then try to surround yourself with less-stressful things the rest of the time. What makes you happy? If you like to read - treat yourself to some new books. I'm reading "Girl, Wash Your Face" by Rachel Hollis. If music is your thing, maybe create a new playlist. Like TV? Make a list of shows to watch or binge-watch. Like crafts? Stock up on supplies now so you can work on a new project. A friend posted about this online paint workshop. I also saw an article about Famous Museums that offer Virtual Tours. I’ve created a board on Pinterest and have been adding ideas to it each day.
· Socialize digitally. While there is no replacement for physically being surrounded by family and friends, drastic times call for drastic measures. Encourage your kids to Facetime or call their friends each day. Help them set up group chats or texts so they can keep in touch. Text or call your friends and loved ones to check on them. If you don’t already have a neighborhood Facebook page, consider starting one! It is the perfect way to offer help and check on everyone! If we all make an effort to reach out, we can feel connected and hopefully less lonely.
While some people think our country is over-reacting another group is concerned and fearful. And while I completely agree with taking precautions, I also know that it doesn’t do anyone any good panic or live in paralyzing fear. The phrase “fear not” is used at least 80 times in the Bible, most likely because He knows the enemy uses fear to create panic and decrease our hope. So, for those of you who find that fear is consuming you right now, take a deep breath. Try to keep everything in perspective and not be consumed by the unknown. Take time to pray or meditate when you feel overwhelmed. Try to look at the good that is happening in our community, nation or even around the world amid the crisis, and know that you are not alone. Now, more than ever, is a time for us to come together! Put faith over fear and believe that all the steps we are taking and sacrifices we are making will be difference-making and life-saving! And certainly, having wine and chocolate on hand can’t hurt!
The following are some of the verses that have brought me comfort:
- “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” ~ Isaiah 41:10
- “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." ~ Psalm 56:3
- “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 4:6-7
- “Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.” ~ John 14:27
- “Then he placed his right hand on me and said: 'Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last.'” ~ Revelation 1:17
- “Jesus told him, ‘Don’t be afraid; just believe.’” ~ Mark 5:36
i
Beautifully written and inspiring! Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDelete